Bullying is when a teen is repeatedly picked on by another teen or group of teens with more power, either in terms of perceived physical strength or social status. Bullies like to dominate others. Both boys and girls can be bullies or victims of bullies.
We often associate bullying with taunting, teasing, shoving and pushing in the younger grades. But it can happen at all ages and there are other kinds of bullying. Psychological bullying occurs when one teen is gossiped about or excluded by another teen or "clique" of teens. In this age of Internet text and instant messages, there's even cyber bullying.
Why are teens bullied? Bullies target teenagers they think don't "fit in," teens who look, act or think differently or who are more passive and less aggressive. Whatever the reason, bullying can cause the victim serious physical and emotional problems, such as depression and anxiety. If your teen is the target of relentless bullying, they need your help.
Why do teens bully? Bullies are often upset or angry about problems in their own life that they don't know how to deal with. Many feel powerless over negative aspects of their life and act out in ways to compensate. A bully may need help from a professional to understand and deal with their issues.
If your child is the victim of bullying, the key is to get them to open up about the situation and help them develop a response plan.
If you suspect your teen is being bullied
What you can do
Boost your teen's self-esteem:
- Support them in their decision to tell you about a bullying problem.
- Let them know it's not their fault they are being bullied.
- Tell them bullies are often insecure themselves, with poor social skills.
- Remind them that many adolescents experience bullying at some point. Half of all teens experience bullying at some time in their school years, according to studies.
Help them make a plan:
- Ask your teen what they think should be done and listen.
- Help your teen practice what to say to a bully and to be prepared.
- Don't encourage your teen to fight back. They should walk away or seek help from a teacher, coach or other adult.
- Help your child be more assertive. Telling a bully to back off can have a surprising effect.
- If the problem is happening at school, talk to your child's teacher or a school administrator. Most schools have programs and resources to deal with bullying.
- Tell them you understand they will not always want to tell you or another adult about a bullying problem, but they are never to put themselves in physical danger.
- Explain to them that adults in positions of authority, such as parents, teachers and coaches can often find ways to resolve potentially dangerous bullying situations without the bully ever finding out how they came to know about it.
- And above all, make your teenager understand their safety comes first. If they find themselves in a threatening situation, they are to seek help immediately. Let them know it is okay to dial 911 if they need to.
If you suspect your teen is a bully:
If your teen is showing signs of being a bully, it's important to get help as soon as possible. Bullying can lead to serious emotional, social, academic and legal difficulties. A good first step is to talk to your child's teacher, school counselor or physician. A comprehensive evaluation may be needed by a psychiatrist who works with children and adolescents. The evaluation will help your understand why your child is acting out and what to do about it.
Risk factors and violent behavior:
Numerous studies have shown that a combination of factors lead to an increased risk of violent behavior in children and adolescents. These factors include.
- A history of aggressive or violent behavior.
- Being the victim of physical abuse or sexual abuse.
- Exposure to violence in the home or community.
- Genetic (family heredity) factors.
- Watching violence on TV or in movies.
- Use of drugs or alcohol.
- Presence of firearms in home.
- Stressful family socioeconomic factors (poverty, severe deprivation, marital breakup, single parenting, unemployment, loss of support from extended family).
- Brain damage from head injury.
"Warning signs" of violent behavior in children:
Children who have several risk factors should be carefully evaluated if they show the following behaviors.
- Intense anger
- Frequent loss of temper or blow-ups
- Extreme irritability
- Extreme impulsiveness
- Become easily frustrated
For more information about helping your teen cope with bullying, check out these other resources:
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