Contrary to popular belief, research indicates teens do value the advice and counsel of their parents. The fact is, your child is depending on you to help them successfully navigate the teen years. But you can’t do this important, often difficult job if your own life is stressing you out.

What you can do

Take care of yourself, so you can take care of your teen. Here are some tips to help you get through those tough days:

• Educate yourself. The more you know and understand about the teen years, the easier--and less stressful--it is for you to cope with your teen.
• Make your own physical health a top priority, so you don't feel "rundown" by your teen. Take the stairs instead of the elevator at work. Walk during your lunch break--try to get in at least a half hour of exercise every day. Watch your diet--avoid fast food when things get hectic. If you've been too busy to schedule a physical with your health care provider--make the time!
• Make your own mental health a top priority, so you have the ability to focus on the situation when your child needs you. Practice deep breathing and other relaxation techniques. Make time for the activities you like to do. Pamper yourself --you deserve it. If you can't chase away the blues, get help for your depression. It is treatable.
• If you smoke, quit. You'll feel better and possibly add years to your life. Also, kids are quick to observe any contradiction between what their parents say and what they do. Despite what you might think, most kids say that the adult whom they most want to be like when they grow up is a parent.
• Find enjoyable activities you can do with your teen. Sharing a family meal, playing or watching a sporting event, even watching television together can keep you connected with your child and put your mind at ease.
• Get to know your child's friends and their parents. Enlisting the help of other parents and communicating with them makes for a supportive and safe situation for everyone.
• Don't sweat the small stuff. Learn to identify the things that just aren't worth fighting about. Usually they're temporary or harmless ways for your teen to assert their independence, such as hair styles or fashion. Save your energy for more critical issues like academics, drugs, alcohol and sex.
• Realize you are not alone. Make sure you have a support network of family and friends you can talk to.
• Try not to take your teen's actions or words personally, even when they are presented that way. The teen years may be difficult, but they are just another stage of growing up.
• And if you need help, ask for it. Don't think you're failing as a parent if you admit you need help. There are all kinds of resources, programs and services available to you. A good first step is to talk to your child's school counselor or administrator.

For more information about taking care of yourself while you take care of your teen, check out these other resources:

• www.kidshealth.org - Surviving Adolescence
• www.aacap.org - Preparing For Adolescence
• www.childdevelopmentinfo.com - Stress Management For Parents
• www.childdevelopmentinfo.com - Communication With Your Adolescent

The BlueCross BlueShield Government-Wide Service Benefit Plan contracts with McKesson to provide Blue Health Connection & Healthy Families at no additional charge to you. Blue Health Connection & Healthy Families are service marks of the BlueCross and BlueShield Association, and the cross and shield symbols are the registered service marks of the BlueCross and BlueShield Association, an Association of Independent BlueCross and BlueShield Plans.