Does this situation sound familiar?
Teen-age daughter comes into the living room where the mom is sitting to discuss an issue she is having with a friend which seems blown out of proportion.
Daughter: “I am so mad at Brittany. Do you know what she did? She borrowed my favorite jeans and now she won’t give them back!”
Mom: “What do you mean she won’t give them back? Did you ask her for them?”
Daughter: “Yeah, and she said she can’t bring them over here tonight because she has to study for some lame test and so she’ll bring them to school tomorrow.”
Mom: “So that doesn’t sound like she won’t give them back. That’s a pretty reasonable answer.”
Daughter: “But I wanted to wear them tomorrow.”
Mom: “Well I guess you’ll have to wear something else.”
Daughter bursts into tears: “I don’t have anything else to wear. Can’t you drive me over to her house to get them?”
Mom: “No, I’m not going out tonight to get your jeans. Why don’t you wear the jeans you bought with your birthday money?”
Daughter, in tears: “I hate those jeans. I want to wear my new jeans and I can’t believe you won’t do this for me. You are so unreasonable.”
Mom: “You look great in those jeans. Is there something else that is bothering you that you’d like to talk about?”
The journey from adolescence to adulthood isn't easy. Hormonal changes, developing independence and the anxieties to achieve and to fit in are all potential causes for a teen to have mood swings, depression and other behavioral problems from time to time. It’s only natural for you, as a good parent, to worry when your child has difficulty coping with things, feels sad, can’t sleep or struggles to get along with family or friends.
If your teen’s mood swings seem excessive, or if their periods of sadness or acting out seem prolonged, your teen may need help.
Mood swings
It’s common for a teen to feel like they’re on an emotional roller-coaster ride. Going from sadness to anger to joy in a matter of minutes can make a teen feel as though they’re "losing it."
Being a teen means dealing with almost constant changes, both inside themselves as well as in their environment. For example, when a teen changes schools they can feel disconnected. Then there are the pressures to get good grades or to make a sports team.
Being a teen also means struggling with identity and self-image. Teens want to be accepted by their friends. At the same time, they may also feel a need to distance themselves from parents and family. They want to be independent and make their own decisions but that can seem overwhelming and lonely at times.
As fun and exciting as the teen years can be, they can also be years of confusion and conflict. It can take awhile for your teen--and you--to adjust.
Warnings signs of more serious problems with your teen:
- Significant change in academic performance.
- Changes in sleeping or eating habits.
- Frequent physical complaints.
- Abuse of alcohol or drugs.
- A general inability to cope with daily problems and activities.
- Inappropriate sexual behavior.
- Depression marked by sustained negative mood and attitude, sometimes accompanied by poor appetite, difficulty sleeping or thoughts of death.
- Persistent nightmares.
- Fear of becoming obese, purging food or restricting eating, without regard for height/weight balance.
- Threats of self-harm or harm to others.
- Self-injury or self-destructive behavior.
- Frequent outbursts of anger or aggression.
- Threats to run away.
- Consistent violations of the rights of others.
- Opposition to authority, truancy, thefts or vandalism.
- Strange thoughts, beliefs, feelings or unusual behaviors.
What you can do
You know your teen best. Try to gently talk to them. An honest, open talk about feelings can often help. Express your concern and love for them. Let them know that their problems are valid--don’t just tell them to “tough it out.” Another good first step is to talk to your child’s teacher, school counselor or physician.
The decision to seek professional help can be difficult and painful for any parent. If problems persist over an extended period of time and especially if others involved in your teenager’s life are also concerned, it may be time to talk your medical provider or other mental health professional.
Depression
Teenagers are vulnerable to depression. That's because hormones and sleep cycles, which both change dramatically during adolescence, can affect a teen's mood.
Depression can lead a teen to put excess emphasis on the negative side of their lives, focusing on what they see as major failures and disappointments. Depression can distort everything a teen sees. They can feel helpless to communicate their emotional pain and to overcome their problems. Depressed teens are at risk for substance abuse. A depressed teen may even see suicide as the only way out.
Strategies you can share with your teen:
- Remind your teen they are not alone--mood swings and depression are common among their peers.
- Encourage your teen to “take a break” when they’re feeling angry or irritable--take a moment to assess the situation before they act out.
- Encourage your teen to talk about what’s bugging them inside-- to friends, teachers, counselors, their doctor--and you. Keeping the feelings and thoughts inside can be destructive.
- Suggest they exercise --go for a run, play tennis, ride their bike or punch a punching bag. Regular exercise produces more beta-endorphin, a hormone that controls stress and improves mood.
- Encourage them to get enough sleep. Being tired can lead to more sadness and irritability.
- Remind them that drinking alcohol or taking drugs will only make their problems worse.
- Recommend they find a creative outlet, like building something out of wood, starting an art or music piece or writing a journal. Writing can be a good way for them to express their thoughts and feelings, if they have trouble talking about them, and help make things more manageable.
- Tell them it’s okay to cry--it often makes a person feel better.
- Make it clear to your teen that if they feel sad, irritable, bored or hopeless much of the time, or if they can’t seem to shake the blues, they might have a problem with depression and need help from a counselor or doctor.
- Let them know that their problems, no matter how insurmountable they may seem, can be overcome.
- Assure them that depression is treatable. Most teens get better with the right help.
- The keys are to encourage your teen to share their emotions with you and not think you view depression and complaining as weakness.
Teen suicide
Many teens who are considering suicide suffer from depression. Most teens interviewed after making a suicide attempt say they did it because they were trying to escape from a situation that seemed impossible to deal with or to get relief from bad thoughts and feelings.
Why do teens kill themselves? Experts cite divorce, family violence, the breakdown of the family unit, stress to perform and achieve--even the threat of AIDS--as factors that contribute to a higher suicide rate among teenagers.
Sometimes a depressed person plans a suicide in advance but not always. Many times a suicide attempt is an impulsive act, done during a moment of feeling desperately upset. Situations like a breakup, a big fight with a parent, an unintended pregnancy, being "outed" by someone else--these are events that can lead a teen to feel desperately upset.
Girls attempt suicide more often than boys, but boys are about four times more likely to succeed when they try to kill themselves. This is because boys tend to use more deadly methods.
Warning signs of teen suicide:
- Talking about suicide or death in general.
- Talking about "going away."
- Referring to personal possessions they "won't be needing" and giving them away.
- Marked changes in eating or sleeping habits.
- Expressing feelings of hopelessness and guilt.
- Withdrawing from friends and family.
- Seeing themselves as "out of the picture."
- Engaging in self-destructive behaviors like drinking alcohol, taking drugs or "cutting" (a teen strives for a physical release from overwhelming emotional anguish by injuring themselves).
If your teen is showing signs of a suicidal tendency, it's important to seek help as soon as possible. Talk to your teen's school counselor or physician. A comprehensive evaluation may be needed by a psychiatrist who works with children and adolescents.
If you believe your teen is in immediate danger, don't hesitate to call 911. There are also suicide crisis lines (such as 1-800-SUICIDE or 1-800-999-9999) your teen can confidentially call 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
For more information about helping your teen cope with mood swings and depression, check out these other resources:
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