Does this situation sound familiar?
Daughter asks her dad for permission to go do something with friends that she doesn’t even like doing, just to avoid being teased.
Daughter: “Dad, a bunch of kids are going to see that new horror movie tonight. Can I go?”
Dad: “I thought you hated those movies?”
Daughter: “No, I don’t.”
Dad: “The last time you went to a horror movie you came home all upset. What is this movie rated?”
Daughter: “It’s rated R.”
Dad: “Well you aren’t really old enough then anyway. Why do you want to go?”
Daughter: “Well all the other kids are going and I don’t want to stay home by myself on a Friday night. Besides they will think I am a baby.”
Dad: “I don’t think this is a good idea. Why don’t you just tell them that your parents won’t let you see R rated movies and see if some of the kids would like to come over here and rent movies?”
As kids enter their teenage years, they spend more time with their peers--friends and other teens. Almost overnight, it seems, a teenager comes under the influence of other teens and feels the pressure to fit in and be liked.
Teens influence other teens in many ways. From the clothes they wear to how they see others, teens are challenged to go along with the "in crowd." And as teens feel the pressure, they often see in themselves real and imagined weaknesses and faults. They become unsure of themselves, and may develop low self-esteem.
Not all peer pressure is negative. Sometimes a teen is encouraged by other teens to try out for a school play or sports team.
But there are pressures to fit in by taking part in negative behaviors like shoplifting, drug and alcohol abuse, gang activity or promiscuous sex.
We all experience peer pressure throughout our lives. But teens, because of their inexperience, are more vulnerable.
The keys are to teach your child to believe in themselves and the values you’ve instilled in them, to choose their friends wisely, and to think for themselves.
What you can do
Strengthen your child's self-esteem:
- Avoid making overly negative statements.
- Give positive feedback, even for small things when earned.
- Encourage your teen to try new things, have fun and learn new skills that build confidence.
- Set a good example by avoiding negative comments about yourself and demonstrating a healthy self-esteem.
- Help your teen set realistic expectations and take pride in all their accomplishments.
- Make your home a safe, nurturing environment with love and affectionate support.
Learn more about your teen's world:
- Get to know your teen's friends. Invite them into your home where you can monitor the situation.
- Encourage your child to have diverse friendships and not spend time with just one friend or group.
- Set the limits for acceptable behavior and explain the consequences of inappropriate behavior.
- If you suspect one of your teen's friends is a bad influence, discuss your concerns with your child in a non-confrontational way--listen and keep an open mind.
Strategies you can share with your teen: Make a plan to deal with them ahead of time.
- Tell your teen to trust "their gut" and not say "yes" when a situation doesn't feel right--even if everyone else is doing it.
- Encourage your teenager to recognize potentially difficult situations involving temptations and tough choices--and either avoid those situations or make a plan to deal with them.
- Empower your teen to say "no."
- Remind your teen they don't have to make excuses or apologize for making a wise decision.
- Encourage your teen to hang with friends who are supportive and think like they do.
- Explain to your teen that when in doubt, it's okay to blame their "strict parents" to avoid a bad scene.
- And above all, make sure your teen knows that if they find themselves in a dangerous situation, they should get out and get help from a trusted adult.
For more information about helping your teen cope with Peer Pressure, check out these other resources:
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